Lola In The City

Let me just start by saying if you are going to lie on your eHarmony profile you should really make sure your Facebook privacy settings are locked down. No, I'm serious. Go check them. I'll wait... 

Now that we are all locked down, here is the story. 

Obviously, I have not posted anything about my eHarmony edeavors for a while. There are a couple of reasons for that: 

1. It just got depressing to share the losers they were matching me with - the cat guy, the suburban dads, the rednecks. I couldn't take it anymore. 

2. I started to get optimistic because I did meet someone intriguing...so intriguing we actually went on 3 - that's right - THREE DATES. I didn't want to jinx it. 

His name is Chuck, he is 50 (or so I thought), he is a junior high school teacher and seems to enjoy his work, originally from California, loves to surf, very attractive. I enjoyed his company the times we went out. But I always had this weird nagging feeling that something was just...off. At first I thought I was just being paraonoid, you know, considering my track record. But I started to realize it might be for real. For example: 

He apparently doesn't go out much because he was trying to stay out of trouble. Why? Probation? Parole??? I have no idea. 

When he first moved to Chicago, he lived at the YMCA. For a YEAR! Who does that? Oh, and he is thinking about moving back there to save money. WTF! 

He made a few borderline homophobic remarks, to the point that I once said to him, "You know that gay men are not on a mission to turn straight men gay, right? They are not like straight women who hope they can turn gay men straight." 

When I mentioned that I enjoy going to the Art Institute he said, "You're not one of those pretensious art people, are you?"

OK, half of my friends are either gay or artists, so we've got a problem. 

You know what else is a problem? After this last comment and learning his last name, I Google stalked him and found his Facebook page. (Don't judge me! You know you would have done it, too!) Here is what I learned: 

He is 54, not 50. The vain bastard lied about his age. 

He has been married twice, not just once as he said. 

He is a stark raving, gun toting right wingnut. So much so that his profile said, "I wish I weren't LEFT handed." 

He is a womanizer. Under "Activities" he had listed, "If it's wearing a skirt, I'm chasing it!" 

There is a picture of him with a Jeff Foxworthy mustache, mullet, and acid washed denim jacket. I don't care how attractive he is now. You can't unsee shit like that.  

So, the good news is my gut is reliable. The bad news is once again I have attracted a nut job. Seriously, I cannot figure out what it is about me that attracts this riff raff! I like who I am as a person but if this is what I attract...The other day a friend suggested that I modify my behavior and think of it a role playing. Not a bad idea but is that really what I would want to base a relationship on (although I think her suggestion was just an attempt to get me laid.)? I think it is just time to accept that I am not meant to date, enjoy my life as it is, and stop trying so hard to find someone "special" to share it with. I have my friends...that should be enough.